Recovery, Rewritten
By: Tasha Truchel
When I got sober, I had no idea what I was doing — just hope that life could feel less heavy. I imagined clarity, peace, maybe even a glowing transformation. Spoiler: I got none of that at first. What I did get was reality — raw, uncomfortable, but real. And slowly, through that reality, came growth.
Here’s how my expectations about sobriety clashed with the truth — and how I’ve learned to live somewhere in the middle.
Stage 1 – Brainstorming
Day 1: Expectations vs. Reality
On Day 1, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I was hungover, groggy, and the treatment center I’d drunkenly called the night before actually called me back.
Surprisingly, I was still ready to go. Call it an “aha” moment or just the bottom of the bottom.
April 14, 2019 was the last night I drank. Did it feel empowering? No. It felt like someone yanked the covers off and shoved me into daylight before I was ready. But I was done — and weirdly, that mattered more than how bad I felt.
Who I Thought I’d Become
I imagined I’d turn into some kind of Zen wellness influencer: fit, calm, endlessly productive, drinking green juice and smiling at strangers.
Spoiler: I’m not.
I’m still reactive at times. Still working on letting go of control. But I’ve found growth in the mess — and that’s worth something.
Misconceptions About Sober People
I thought everyone in recovery was some flawless, godly version of themselves.
Yeah… no. We’re all human. All just trying to figure it out, one imperfect day at a time.
What’s Better Than Expected
The mornings. Waking up without a hangover, anxiety, and regret is a gift.
Remembering what I did.
Being present with myself and people I love.
Keeping promises to myself and others.
Solving problems without creating ten new ones? Turns out that’s my vibe.
What’s Harder Than Expected
Letting go. Trusting something greater than myself. Releasing expectations.
I wore control like a safety blanket — but it never actually kept me safe. It just kept me stuck.
Stage 2 – Thought vs. Reality
Thought: I’ll wake up refreshed and glowing every morning.
Reality: The first month, I had night terrors and clung to coffee and cigarettes like they were oxygen (no longer smoke, picked up that lovely habit in treatment)
Thought: I’ll instantly love and accept myself.
Reality: Sobriety didn’t hand me self-love — it handed me work. Life’s problems didn’t vanish — they just showed up unfiltered.
Thought: Everyone will cheer me on.
Reality: Some people supported me. Others tried to talk me into “just one.” Sobriety didn’t give me a fan club — it gave me a lesson in boundaries.
Stage 3 – The Mindset Shift
How “Fun” Changed
Fun used to mean loud nights, blurred memories, and regretful mornings.
Now it looks like peace —walks outside, great company, self care, good books, candles, golf, nature.
I love POMO — the pleasure of missing out.
Bars, chaos, environments that drain me? Hard pass.
Fun doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s about what nourishes you.
The Mindset I Had to Let Go Of
I believed alcohol made me social.
Really, it made me loud, reckless, and an a** hole.
Talking to people sober was terrifying at first — I could barely get past “Hi” without my brain short-circuiting. But I kept showing up. And now? I actually remember conversations. I show up fully. I leave places proud of how I acted.
“Liquid courage” was just liquid nonsense.
How I See Myself Now
I see growth.
Not perfection — but the willingness to try again. To offer myself grace. To keep going even when it’s hard.
I used to hide behind alcohol because I didn’t think I was worthy.
Now I know I am — even with my flaws, perfectionism, and a side of OCD.
Do I still wrestle with control? Yes. But as Melody Beattie says in Codependent No More: “Control is an illusion. It doesn’t work.”
And I’m finally starting to believe that.
