Haunted Season, Healed Spirit: Learning to Make Peace with Who You Were
Halloween always makes me think about the parts of ourselves we try to hide — the versions we’ve outgrown, the mistakes we’ve made, the stories we’ve rewritten. Everyone’s out there wearing masks for fun, but let’s be real — most of us wore them long before October 31st.
I used to be terrified of who I was before sobriety — all the chaos, denial, and bad decisions that came with that version of me. For a while, I treated my past like it was radioactive. Don’t touch it. Don’t think about it. Pretend it never happened. But healing doesn’t really work like that. You can’t grow without looking at where you came from, and you can’t find peace if you’re constantly trying to outrun yourself.
The truth is, I’m not haunted by my past anymore. I’ve made peace with it. But I know a lot of people still carry those ghosts — the shame, the “what ifs,” the “I should’ve known better.” It’s exhausting. We replay old moments like they still define us, when in reality, they don’t.
The hard part about recovery — and honestly, just being human — is realizing there’s no finish line where you’re suddenly healed and enlightened. Growth is awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes annoying. It’s learning to hold grace for yourself even when your brain is screaming that you should be further along.
When I think about my past self now, I don’t cringe as much as I used to. I kind of want to give her a hug. She didn’t have the tools, or the boundaries, or the sense of self I have now. She was surviving, not thriving — and honestly, doing the best she could with what she knew.
That shift — from judgment to understanding — is where real healing happens.
These days, when that perfectionistic voice in my head pipes up with “You should’ve handled that better,” I try to pause and say, “Maybe. But I’m still learning.” That’s it. No lecture, no spiral, just a gentle redirection toward compassion.
Spiritually, I’ve come to believe that my Higher Power doesn’t expect perfection. Growth isn’t about being unshakably peaceful 24/7. It’s about noticing when you’re being hard on yourself, stopping long enough to breathe, and trusting that even your detours serve a purpose.
So while everyone’s out there celebrating spooky season, I’m celebrating something else — peace. The kind that comes when you stop fearing who you were and start appreciating who you’re becoming.
