Friendships in Sobriety: Who Stays, Who Goes, and Who Surprises You
By: Tasha Truchel
Introduction
Something I didn’t realize at first was just how much my friendships would change once I got sober. People I thought were friends were really just drinking buddies. They weren’t the people I could confide in or call when I truly needed help—they were just people to get drunk with.
When you make changes for yourself, you naturally outgrow people. Sobriety shifts your inner circle. Some may stick around, but even then, the relationship often changes. For me, one true friend has stayed with me through it all. We still check in weekly, and that consistency has shown me what real friendship looks like.
This isn’t about judgment—most people who drank with me weren’t “bad friends.” It’s simply that with change comes growth.
1. How Relationships Shift When You Get Sober
Sobriety changes the way you connect with others. Relationships built on drinking often don’t hold up once alcohol is removed. Suddenly, conversations feel shallow or forced. Sobriety shines a light on which connections are surface-level and which ones are genuine.
As your perspective changes, so does your circle. Some relationships will fade, and that’s a normal part of the journey.
2. The Grief of Losing Drinking Buddies
It’s natural to grieve those friendships. I know I did. In the beginning, it felt like loss after loss, and I struggled to accept that things were different because I was different.
Letting go isn’t about judging others—it’s about protecting your recovery. You can still care for someone from a distance without putting your sobriety at risk.
Loneliness often shows up here too, but it’s temporary. These are growing pains, and they create space for new connections. If you attend meetings or surround yourself with people on the same path, you’ll quickly see: like attracts like.
3. The Beauty of Deeper, Authentic Connections
Sobriety creates room for friendships rooted in honesty, presence, and shared growth. These connections feel deeper and more meaningful than the surface-level bonds alcohol ever provided.
Sometimes, the people who step up will surprise you. Family members, coworkers, or even old friends you thought were gone may reenter your life in a new, supportive way. For me, my family showed up in ways I didn’t expect—they were just grateful to see me okay.
I’ve also learned the value of having same-sex friendships. I didn’t always have a close circle of girlfriends, but over time, I’ve realized how vital those bonds are for encouragement and accountability.
4. Faith + Trust in God Bringing the Right People Into Your Life
I’ve come to see friendships in terms of reason, season, and lifetime. Not everyone is meant to stay forever—and that’s okay. The ones who are meant to stay will.
Through my faith, I’ve learned to trust that God provides the right people at the right time. Community, encouragement, and safe relationships are His gifts. Where I once thought I needed a huge group of friends to feel loved, I’ve found freedom in valuing quality over quantity.
People will be drawn to you for who you truly are, and not everyone will fit into your life. When you accept that, peace and security follow. As Proverbs 27:17 reminds us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
We don’t walk this journey alone—God places people in our path for a reason.
