Becoming Her: Who I’m Growing Into Through Sobriety

When I look at the “new me,” I feel… good. Really good. Not smug-good, not perfect-good — just good. Six and a half years ago, I couldn’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror without cringing. Some days I still wrestle with my sense of self, but now I feel more grounded, more confident, and more at peace with who I am becoming. My choices, my relationships, my faith — all of it shapes this evolving self. And yes, she’s still a work in progress. Growth is never a straight line, and sometimes I forget to give myself credit for how far I’ve come.

The Old Version of Me

Before sobriety, I was… lost. Aimless. Depressed. I had no clue who I was, what I wanted, or even what I liked. I shut down, people-pleased constantly, and had zero boundaries — not even knowing boundaries were a thing. Self-respect and self-worth? Almost nonexistent.

My coping mechanisms were a masterclass in avoidance: drinking until I blacked out pratically daily and avoiding uncomfortable feelings like they were sharks in a kiddie pool. I leaned on nicotine, distractions, and temporary fixes to make the day bearable.

I’ve left that all behind. The “old me” is dead. I’m leaning into healthier habits: books, nature, golf, podcasts, and meaningful connections. Don’t get me wrong — I still have my “rot days,” but I’m learning to balance solitude with life, love, and joy. My boyfriend has been a grounding presence, and together we’ve cultivated a relationship that’s peaceful, loving, and full of growth — both individually and as a couple.

The Emerging Version of Me

Who is “Her”? She’s self-respecting, self-loving, and intentional. She knows what matters and isn’t afraid to prioritize it. She’s spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy. She gives herself grace — it’s okay to mess up, to fall short, to not have it all together. She sets boundaries. She follows through with goals. And she laughs at herself along the way.

Faith has shaped this growth in ways I didn’t expect. It gives meaning to challenges, teaches patience through storms, and provides perspective when life feels heavy. Purpose evolves as we evolve, and faith has shown me how to navigate the twists and turns of life with trust, hope, and resilience.

The Struggles Along the Way

Transformation isn’t linear — it’s a roller coaster with a few loop-de-loops and some calm stretches in the park. Old patterns sneak back in, and I have to pause, reflect, and course-correct. I still beat myself up at times (queen of self-criticism), but support systems — my boyfriend, friends, mentors — make a huge difference.

Doubts and fears arise. Can I really be “Her”? Am I enough? The answer always comes back to surrender: to God, to the universe, to what I can’t yet see. Somehow, it always works out.

Wins and Moments of Clarity

The victories may look small to the outside world, but they’re profound:

• Losing 20 pounds this past year — not for vanity, but for vitality.

• A relationship that thrives on communication, trust, and endless support.

• A job that fulfills me, in an environment where I can thrive.

• Emotional growth: responding instead of reacting, not spiraling when life gets messy, and practicing patience with myself when I fall short (forever a work in progress).

Growth shows itself in thoughts, emotions, and actions. Journaling allows me to reflect on how far I’ve come. Gratitude and faith shift my focus from what’s missing to what’s present. Taking consistent action toward the life I want — vision boards, intention-setting, self-discipline — lets me notice change unfolding.

Reflection and Encouragement

Who are you becoming? Reflect on it. Growth is messy. Nonlinear. Sometimes exhausting. And that’s okay. Every small step forward matters. Every effort counts.

Becoming takes time, patience, and grace. And you’re allowed — required, even — to celebrate every step along the way.

Because one day, when you least expect it, you’ll look back and realize:
the quiet, messy, imperfect work actually worked.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll even laugh at the fact that you survived yourself along the way.